


Emet

by sunflowerseedsandscience



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Cancer Arc, F/M, Post-episode: s04e14 Kaddish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 15:11:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10126361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowerseedsandscience/pseuds/sunflowerseedsandscience
Summary: Isaac Luria, Mulder claims, had been brought back to life by the love of his fiancee, Arial Weiss.  But absent his soul, it had been a pale imitation of life, one where he had known nothing but a thirst for vengeance, stumbling mindlessly from one victim to the next.For Mulder, Scully knows, it will be the other way around.  She will die, and he will be left behind, empty and broken, feeling nothing but hate, caring about nothing but exacting revenge, taking out the men responsible for what has been done to her, one by one, until there is only himself left.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a post-episode for “Kaddish,” for @txf-fic-chicks‘ post-ep challenge on tumblr.

The air inside the oncology clinic is stale, antiseptic, a hospital smell even though it’s not technically a hospital. Though it’s not a smell that’s ever bothered her before, this time, Scully begins to feel nauseous just walking through the front door. Not a good sign, wanting to vomit before the treatment has even started, before she’s even consented to be treated at all… but after Allentown, after Scanlon’s “treatments,” she’s a acquired a whole new selection of experiences to associate with the smell of a hospital.

She gives her name at the front desk and takes a seat in the waiting room, trying hard not to look around at the other patients, all in various stages of treatment. Some look perfectly healthy, some are a bit pale, many are sporting scarves and soft, knit hats, and a few are living ghosts, thin and listless, staring lifelessly at the taupe carpet.

Scully wonders, if she decides to go through with the treatment, whether she’ll lose her hair… then mentally chastises herself for her vanity. She should be using this time to make a decision, one she should have made long before her appointment, not worrying whether or not she’ll need to invest in scarves and wigs.

It’s not like her to arrive at an appointment like this not having made up her mind already. Dr. Zuckerman had outlined her treatment plan on Monday and had told her to go home and think about it for a few days, and to come back on Friday. She had been ready with an answer right then and there, but Zuckerman had pleaded with her to discuss it with her family first.

She hasn’t. She had never planned to. This is her choice to make, and hers alone. And until a day ago, she had been firm in her decision: even with aggressive chemo and radiation her prognosis is exceedingly poor, and she doesn’t see the sense in spending what little time is left curled over the toilet vomiting, or lying exhausted in bed. Until yesterday, Scully had been prepared to tell Dr. Zuckerman to give her a good, strong prescription for the headaches, and to send her on her way.

But then had come the case in Brooklyn.

A year ago, Scully would have scoffed outright at the very idea of the golem, at the suggestion that earth and clay could be shaped into a man, animated and given life- after a fashion- with a few Hebrew characters written on its hand. And she still isn’t sold on the idea, not literally… but in a figurative sense, the notion is all too real to her.

Isaac Luria, Mulder claims, had been brought back to life by the love of his fiancee, Arial Weiss. But absent his soul, it had been a pale imitation of life, one where he had known nothing but a thirst for vengeance, stumbling mindlessly from one victim to the next.

For Mulder, Scully knows, it will be the other way around. She will die, and he will be left behind, empty and broken, feeling nothing but hate, caring about nothing but exacting revenge, taking out the men responsible for what has been done to her, one by one, until there is only himself left.

And then, she fears, he will finish the job,

She doesn’t think she’s being overdramatic. Her mother and Melissa have told her the full story of what a wreck Mulder had been when she’d been taken, and when she’d been returned comatose. She’s seen herself, these past weeks, how he’s looked at her with guilt-stricken horror every time she’s had a nosebleed. In the hospital hallway, in Allentown, he’d kissed her forehead, right over the spot where the tumor is lurking, his lips lingering a fraction too long, as though he’d thought that maybe, somehow, he could siphon the cancer out of her and take it into himself.

She knows he would. He wouldn’t eve stop to think about it.

Kenneth Ungar, the scholar from the Judaic Archives, had explained that the golem was animated by inscribing three Hebrew characters onto it: Aleph, Mem, and Tav, spelling out “emet,” the Hebrew word for “truth.” The golem could only be killed by erasing the first character, the Aleph, changing the word to “met,” meaning “death.”

Scully is Mulder’s truth. She is the Aleph being gradually erased from his life, and when she is gone, she will leave behind only death.

She reflects, again and again, on his words to her in the hallway: “The truth will save you, Scully. I think it’ll save us both.” She knows he’s right. And she knows she cannot give in without a fight, no matter how painful and difficult the battle may be.

“Ms. Scully?” The receptionist calls Scully’s name, jerking her out of her reverie. She follows a nurse back to the office, where Dr. Zuckerman is waiting. He smiles as she enters and takes a seat across from him.

“So, Dana,” he says, “have you had some time to think about how you’d like to proceed?” Scully takes a deep breath.

“Yes,” she says firmly. “I’d like to go ahead with the treatment.”


End file.
